Been a long time since I wrote a journal

I'm feeling kind of down. I've been in a rut artistically since middle school, and I'm just falling more and more behind. I feel bad for being so jealous of everyone else, especially my friends. I just don't understand colors and how to use them, I don't get anatomy, I just can't draw. I'm starting to think I was never meant to be an artist, I have no motivation... I just feel like everything's telling me that I can't be what I've ever aspired to be. I wanted to be an artist, then I realized I was no good. I was thinking about going into being a chef or something, but then I realized that nothing I cook comes out right without a good recipe. Then recently I was thinking maybe I'd become a nurse but then I realized that probably won't work out either...

Sorry about ranting, I'm just kind of getting feelings out in the open, it's kind of nice to do that once in awhile... I'm not trying to throw a pity party but I need to say something x__x

Also I haven't been on deviantart in a couple of weeks, so if you sent me a message or something and I haven't responded, that would be why. Also I don't think I can look through most of the art in my inbox, there's just too much I love commenting on art but at the moment I just can't, except for commenting on a few pieces of art. I'm sure it's all very lovely Same goes for commenting on journals.

I apologize for my lack of activity.

meanwhile I'm being smothered by math, history, and ironically AP art.

Also, tell me how you all have been? Or anyone who reads this anyways... I'd love to hear what's up with everyone. Hope you're all well I'll try to write updates more often.